chiefgrizzly

01:46 am:

The girl who treated me the best and was amazing to me has now deserted me. The greatest thing to happen to me is now my greatest failure. She was my first kiss and my first physically sexual interaction (not intercourse) And she has fucked me over just in time for the holidays. My holidays will inevitablly be shitty since i will dwell and pine over her for the next 4 months that or kill myself. Here's to Natalia Blanca.


Scummy street punk with the scent of booze and cigarettes. My dream come true.

03:04 pm: Holy Shit
I got my first kiss tonight. That is all.

07:40 am: Halloween sucked
Halloween sucked for the first time I can remember. And on top of it the election is in two days and all i hear are my liberal friends bashing the right and my conservative friends bashing the left neither of which willing to see the good in the other side or the bad in there own. to this day I have never met one person who wasn't politically biased. I'll have a friend say "hey want the unbiased facts go here" they give me a link I click on it and it is surrounded by politcal banners bashing bush and the site clearly has an agenda and the facts are facts but spun to work for there side. of course this happens vice versa with my conservative friends. I don't enjoy reading liberal articles then conservative ones then having to siphen through the shit and figure out the actual truth that lies between. Too much fucking work for an unhappy boy trying to figure out why he should even keep living. I'm glad I'm not allowed to vote tuesday alot less stressful for me. Between the comedy central decalre yourself and puff daddy's vote or die they put so much emphasis on it that it almost certaintly seems that if your choice wins every mistake he makes will be blamed on you. I hate people they are stupid and ungrateful and all around assholes.

02:41 am: Blah.
I'm back to feeling completely and utterly worthless and seems have somehow severed the ties with those who ever make me feel any different.

09:09 pm: Many of my friends are having problems in life, none of them want my help though. I sit here like a daft cunt offering what noone wants I guess I just want to be trusted more and expected to help, I want more responsability I suppose. I don't like feeling worthless and pathetic. Oh well. Also the last of the ramones died a few weeks back, the world is falling apart around me and I can't do shit.

04:54 pm: Fables


I don't think anyone reads my stuff anymore but if you do know that I think fables 28 is by far there best issue yet.

09:43 pm: YAY!!!!
This is what I call a movie http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0391076/ this has the best plot idea I have ever seen it's so ridiculous and it's done by Rmero. Romero is also in pre production for his 4th dead film, the land of the dead.

04:21 pm: I'm an asshole.


I'm accidently selfish and not knowing it think bout noone but myself. I hate myself once again. So rest assured people that means I'll treat you all better in hopes to apologize for you having to know me.

04:21 pm: I'm an asshole.


I'm accidently selfish and not knowing it think bout noone but myself. I hate myself once again. So rest assured people that means I'll treat you all better in hopes to apologize for you having to know me.

01:39 am: FUCK YOU
Why does everyone feel the need to yell at me and tell me what to do just cause I didn't take care of something the moment they though it would be ideal? Maybe if they were nice and polite and loving bout it rather than just shoving it down my fucking throat I wouldn't be so pissed off and upset right now. At the moment I can't think of anyone or anything I remotely like.

11:21 pm: Celebrities: Birth and Death
Congradulation to comedic genius Jon Stewert who had a son 4 days ago. And also Marlon Brando died at 80. Over 1000 people showed up to his funeral....to carry the coffin I think some friends and family showed up too though.

04:54 am: Bastards
So yesterday I decide to go to livejournal see what is happening like always, but I couldn't get it to work. For like 5 minutes I'm hitting enter on the web browser trying to get it to load and this little thing comes up asking me to download flash player and I'm thinking what the fuck? Upon closer examination I of course realize my mistake, I was typing"www.lovejournal.com" rather than the site your on now, which I guess could be a common mistake but it makes me wonder where my subconcious is. I think I put too much importance on finding someone to lvoe me, because well it's unlikely because I'm quite stupid and well people don't like stupid. Ugh I don't think I'm making sense it's 5 in the morning and I think I need to get some rest. I hate it here.



-M

11:40 pm: I'm kind of back

I haven't posted in awhile and am depressed. Also my cat of 8 years has ring worms and could die. Lucky cat. Why is it that whenever I feel bad it's at the same time that I feel noone is there for me and the good is leaving.

12:33 am:

I just recently finished Transmetropolitan after waiting soooo long for the trades to come out. But upon telling my friends bout my personal victory I realise they don't give two tugs of a dead dogs cock about me and my reading agenda, so fuck them. Fuck them all.

02:59 pm: I used to be her secret, I used to be her guilty little pleasure, but I guess I only had novelty value and now that's gone, now she doesn't even have the time to talk to me, I'm just as useless as before it seems.

11:42 pm: The Nation of Fearful Fucks
It seems to me that fear runs us all, everything we ever do is because of fear.
Because of fear we love.
Because of fear we worship.
Out of fear of attack we are loyal.
Because of our fear to do what's right because of the consequences we do what is wrong instead. We are all afraid of the future of dying or dying alone, of not making a difference of being worthless of haveing no real purpose and just wasting oxygen and resources to survive. It seems everyone is afraid of something. I'm so fucking terrified recently I can't think straight I live my days in a blur, I'm constantly thinking of the crazy hypotheticals to a point that when I lie down to sleep, I don't know what all exactly I had dreamt up and what all had actually happen. I end up lying to myself, convincing myself that they hate me, or that they love me, or that it doesn't matter anymore, that I should give up. It churns inside me, I think about it and then I throw up, I don't know what to do anymore, I'm afraid that I will give up soon, that fear won't motivate me any longer, that I will just stop doing anything and will live out my life pointlessly and alone or just end it early, neither sound promising to me. Neither sound. Promising. Help.



Sorry for all the metaphors and vague descriptions, I can't give specifics about my problems, specifics bring on too many questions, plus I don't know who reads this, cept for the two that post.

07:15 pm: Adoption
Know what's fucked up? I found out today it costs 20,000 dollars to adopt a kid. I mean honestly shouldn't they kind of pay you for keeping a kid from growing up an orphan? I'm sure orphanages have there own expenses, but I'd think they'd get alot of money from charities and donations. There are alot of people out there with alot of money way too much for them to spend, I mean imagine if Bill Gates spent 52 billion out of his 56 trying to stop world hunger? I mean that would do a huge amount of good you know? Anyway just kind of surprised when my teacher this morning told me it cost 20,000 for adoption because she went to some adoption place the other day. Also apparently the money has to be almost all payed at once, I think it would do a whole world of good if maybe they made the adopting parents give like 1,000 dolalrs to the place a year, more people could adopt that way and would more than likely live long enough to pay all 20,000 of the fee. ramble ramble ramble.

12:35 am: I enjoy gore
OK this is my first gore fx that I MADE the latex appliance, the piece of latex meant to look like a wound was made by me. I didn't make it smooth enough and it was too rough and made it hard to work with, so I ended up not being able to make it completely blend in with the skin but I think it looks decent especially if it wasn't the main subject in the film but rather a cut shown on the arm but not zoomed in on to show the imperfections. Anyway here is the process I went through putting this on my friend, enjoy:)

09:36 pm: Bush
Anyone watch the bush conference? and if so what did you think? Just interested in your opinions.

11:33 pm: Today
Today was a gorgeous day, the sky was a dark grey and it mostly drizzled the whole day, mostly. It gave you a real mellow spaced out feel once you got outside it gave me a feeling of innerpeace. It's the kind of day that would be perfect to lay in your bathtub full of hot water and slit your wrists, feel the cool bathroom air enter your wounds make you tremble, unfortunately you lose alot of blood that way and loss of blood makes me lightheaded, and I don't like being lightheaded. Also I was wondering doesn anyone read my posts anymore? just curious because noone ever posts on them or mentions them in my normal life so I'm just curious.